I would go down on you faster than GM stock
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
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