hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Randomize