smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
