my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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