I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
