I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Randomize
