I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Randomize
