I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
