i think my mom watched the whole time
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
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