Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
