sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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