just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
