atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
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