ugly people sure do ruin things
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
