It's like God shit irony all over that family
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
