i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
