Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
