i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Randomize
