haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
