it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
