I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
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