I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
not ubering you a puppy
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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