I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Randomize
