it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize