Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
