I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Randomize
