Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
