my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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