went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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