I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
