Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
My vagina just recognized that song.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
