I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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