i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
