The beer is more important than you right now.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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