my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
