There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
