i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
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