tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
