masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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