Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
