distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
