still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
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