Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
