Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Dicks are not precious.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
