in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
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