why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
We are two peas in an std pod
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
