I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
