accomplished twins. life is a go
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
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