I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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