He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Randomize
