Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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