Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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