I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
