i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Shame is for Republicans.
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