Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
