Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
