ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
it was like eating out sand paper
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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