My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
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