Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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