I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
