why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
