so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
