why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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