He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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