he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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